Review: "Perfect on Paper"

"Perfect on Paper" by Janet Goss

Happy Valentine's Day! Let's celebrate by discussing a tolerable love story.

Dana Mayo is a crossword puzzle maniac.

Well, she's a bit of a maniac in general. "Perfect on Paper" by Janet Goss kicks off with Dana attempting to get back in touch with a former boyfriend-- a man 20 years her senior with whom she had an affair years ago. 

It doesn't go well. (She vomits in his daughter's shoes).

Finally deciding to move on with her life,  Dana starts spending time with Hank, a contractor and proud pig owner, and Billy, a young and notoriously tricky crossword constructor.

The first half of the novel suffers greatly because of the first person narrative. In her narration, Dana acknowledges her personality flaws but doesn't regard them as areas that need improvement.

Dana readily admits (and frequently demonstrates) that she is judgmental, obsessive and short-sighted. A third-person narrative would have been able to draw attention to the flaws while laughing at the character's ridiculous actions and rationaizations.

The first time this novel made me laugh was on page 67, just after a character said "algoraphobia" instead of "agoraphobia:"

"Under normal circumstances, I might have felt a tremor of jealousy, but now all I could think about was the word 'algoraphobia,' and whether it would be manifested by a fear of algorithms, or of the former vice president."

From there the novel improves, largely because of the more frequent appearances off Billy (W.W.W.) Moody.

The book's thematic mystery, the identity of a frequent hang up caller, is a bit of a letdown. Not only is the caller fairly easy to predict, but the explanation is a halfhearted and illogical.

Here comes my biggest pet peeve-- This novel, much like other love triangle novels of it's kind, saves the big "who ends up with whom" reveal for the last page. 

We get it. It's a love story in which a woman is trying to decide who she wants to end up with. But, as readers, we've sat through 300+ pages of "whose it gonna be" tension. The least the author could do is offer a chapter length glimpse into life after the decision is made.


It's a pleasant read with a slow start. Just for fun, the final page includes a crossword, in case the plot awakened the word nerd in you.

(Confession: I almost attempted it, but the clues still seemed like gibberish to me while I was looking at the answer key).

This book won't earn a spot on anyone's "favorites" list, but it is a light and generally pleasant way to pass a February afternoon.

It's been a while.

This is Duncan's illustrated Christmas list. It's relevant
because A) it was my idea B) some of my friends haven't
gotten their gifts from me and C) I couldn't be bothered
to find a better fit.

Last time we spoke I was behind schedule (but optimistic) about NaNoWriMo.

I hadn't spend five weeks coughing like a lung cancer patient and my laptop's screen didn't have a huge crack in it. Those were simpler times, my friends.

The last few months were pretty gray. I crashed through school, the newsroom and work, fast food in hand.

I didn't finish my NaNo (I didn't even try). I stopped keeping up with the Internet. There are still Christmas presents sitting on my desk, waiting to be mailed out.

February is hours away and I think it's time to pull my shit together. I'll read (and blog!) more. I'll make an effort to eat vegetables. Maybe I'll even find time to do something about the mountain of laundry at the foot of my bed.

The election totally ruined my novel

It's all the election's fault.

Up until the Nov. 6, I was on my game.  I had made my word count every night. I was going to on election night, too. I was super close... and then, I fell asleep on the couch waiting for the President to make his acceptance speech.

Sigh.

Today marks the midpoint of the month. 

I'm not at the midpoint of my novel, I'm not even close. 

You know, it's a lot easier to write less than 1,667 words a day when you know the 1,667 won't get you to the goal.

In fact, it would be pretty fair to say that I haven't really been participating in NaNo the last week. And a half.

But I'm going to win. I always win.

Tomorrow marks my first Friday off, um, ever. 

I'll catch up tomorrow.

19,000 words in 26 hours is doable, right?

NaNo weekend blues

Hours Writing: 8

Word Count: 6693

Well, the first weekend of November just happened.

For me, NaNo weekends have usually been lovely 2,500+ word days filled with grapes, cheese and lounging on sofa plotting out the next scene.

This year, as of midnight Monday morning, my main character doesn't have a name. I don't know what the basic arch of the story is going to be. I'm not even 30 words above the word goal. 

Working and going to school while doing NaNo is hard. On Friday and Saturday this weekend, I got home from work at 10 p.m. with a word count of zero and no real plot at which to start carving away.

I sat down in front of my blank screen and said, "Well. I guess he's quitting his job today."

I tried doing Sunday without any coffee and ended up crashing for three hours in the early afternoon.

I've been averaging 32 ounces of coffee a day. If I bump it up to 48 I just get to stop sleeping all together, right?

Tomorrow.

Hours spent writing: 0

National Novel Writing Month starts tomorrow.

I'm going to use this moment to take a pre-emptive swig of coffee, run to the grocery store and quickly tidy up my bedroom.

Let's face it, once the calendar slides into November I'm going to be too preoccupied to deal with any of that.

Here's the thing, I don't like to lose. It's no secret that hard work early on is key to success closer to the finish line. In my experience, Oct. 31 and Nov. 1 are vitally important to November success.

This is what the next two days look like for me. You should join in, too. 

... on Oct. 31
Go to the grocery store. There's no time to worry counting calories when you're behind on your word count! Pick up some apples and some spinach and hope for some healthy meals in the middle of the typing frenzy.

Get ahead on looming deadlines. I, for one, have a 400 point final project due this Saturday. Logical or not, I know that this Saturday when it comes times to proof read my essay, I'm going to be more interested in meeting my daily word count. For me, today is essay day.

Clean. The only time I clean during November is when I'm really desperate to avoid my novel. That means that I've done a lot of cooking, watched basically every video on YouTube and somehow managed to get ahead on my class assignments. If I don't have clean sheets tonight, I won't have clean sheets until I'm rowing away on my victory canoe.  

Stay up and start writing. Once the reads 12:00, NaNo has started and every hour counts. Writing is often easier at the beginning because we're eager to get started and not weighed down by an ever-growing word deficit. Write until 1 a.m. and then rest well knowing you're that much closer to the finish line. If you do it right, it's like two days in one. 

... on Nov. 1
Get the caffeine. Coffee, soda, tea, whatever you like. You're going to need it. You might as well admit that now lest you find yourself passed out on your laptop, drooling into your keyboard.

Discount Halloween candy. Halloween is over and gummy vampires are suddenly half off-- jump on that, Buffy style. And, yeah, vegetables are important. However, "If I reach 2,000 words, I get to eat a celery stick" doesn't have quite the same inspirational heft as knowing there's a bag of Reese's pumpkins waiting in the pantry.

Get ahead. Don't hit 2,000 words and throw yourself a party. Get as far ahead as you possibly can. Later in the month, you're going to fall behind. Sleep deprivation will catch up with you. Your friends are going to extend invitations you can't turn down. You will be so over being locked up with only your word processor. Get ahead now while it doesn't make you want to die.

November is coming: NaNoWriMo on a tight schedule.

It might just be the nerdfighter in me, but I can't help but love all these
ven diagram shirts.

When October began, I said "Eh, around the 15th I'll start to map out my novel."

Yesterday I popped on Twitter and saw that it was Oct. 17... and NaNoWriMo Prep Day.

Normally, I wouldn't bother outlining until 10 p.m. on Halloween and my torso is hidden under a pile of Reeses wrappers. 

This year is different. I don't have the luxury of spending the first week of November in bed mapping everything up. I'm busy, and if I'm going to win-- I'm not a good loser-- I need a plan.

1. Map it out.

Because it doesn't matter if, on Nov. 12, that you'd rather tell the story of that girl from Chapter 2 who was dancing on the subway for all of 20 words. It's good to have something to go off of when the writer's block monsters try to trap your word count below 20,000.

2. Word goals matter.

Setting the word goal at 50,000 seems pretty daunting to me. What doesn't seem so bad is writing 1,500 words about a fist fight, and another 3,000 about a family discovering all of the dairy products have turned into top hats. That makes diving in a lot easier. 

3. No, really. Set those word goals.

Because it would be easy to write 2,500 of "Why does the blue cheese look like it belongs in Fred Astaire's wardrobe?" and stop. But,  pushing those extra 500 words might reveal an interesting plot twist... which might inspire another 600 bonus words.

4. Develop your characters.

I know, I know. Writing is rewriting. However, reading over the first 10 chapters is going to be a lot less painful if the characters have some personality early on. It's easy if you have the right prompt.

5. Be ambitious early on.

Set high word goals for your first couple of chapters, and reserve writing time before the very idea of it makes you run for Facebook (and then Tumblr, YouTube, Redit, Facebook again...)

We can do this. November is coming. Suit up.

Battle Royale and reading again

"...he realized it was only that boring show called 'The News...'"

That line certainly wormed it's way into this student journalist's heart.

Battle Royale is the gory story of a junior high school class being forced to participate in The Program-- something of a case study of what happens when you put 40 people who know each other on a deserted island with deadly weapons and the notion of only one survivor.

The novel was published in 1999 and was quickly turned into a manga series and a film.

The film was never released in the United States because (according to the forward, although I had some difficulty getting a firm confirmation of this online,) the film came out soon after the 1999 Columbine shooting.

I'd been trying to get my hands on a copy if this book for about a year, but a little research told me it wasn't being printed anymore. So, I journeyed down to the second hand bookstores in town (um, all of the second hand bookstores in town) only to be told "people tend to hold on to cool books like that one."

Well, that didn't exactly lessen my desire to read it.

Then, as we were walking through Target one day, Duncan and I stumbled upon 10 copies. (Thanks "Hunger Games!" I never would have found it without you.) Victory!

We both bought copy and checked our calendar (It's a 608 page book. That takes some scheduling). We decided to read it in September... which, of course, we didn't remember until the month was half over.

It's October 1st. I've been done for a week, and he's still somewhere in the middle (23 students remaining!)

This book really surprised me. It's not something I would pick up at random, but I was so into it once I started.

It's been a while since I took the time to read a book. And, while I suppose this would have happened with any vaguely compelling book I picked up right now, it really reminded me how much I love to read.

Of course, I've always identified as a bookworm. But theres something different about experiencing it after a dry spell.

I'm giving Battle Royale an A+, with extra credit for reminding me while I love to read.

Now, on to Little Women.